So what are the 7 mistakes women face when trying to get help and support?

• 3. Not communicating what you want at all – For a number of reasons women don’t tend to communicate what they want.  It might be that they did it once and didn’t get the reaction they wanted so swore off doing it for the rest of their lives.  It might be that they don’t actually know what they want…so they don’t know how to ask for it (but are still unhappy when they don’t get it).  It might be that they’re afraid of communicating honestly what they want, in case they still don’t get it.  Well I’m here to let you in on a secret.  If you communicate really honestly what you want, there’s a possibility you’ll get it.  If you don’t, you pretty much guarantee that it’ll never happen.
• 4. Communicating what you want indirectly – In a video recently I talked about ‘man language’ and ‘woman language’.  I go into it in more depth in the video, but as a reminder ‘man language’ is often about communicating simply, directly and effectively.  ‘Woman language’ often involves more indirect communication…such as trying to communicate what you want by saying what you don’t want, hinting or suggesting.  Unless you are clear and direct with what you want and need, a man won’t necessarily even understand that you’re trying to communicate this to him, as that’s not the way they naturally communicate.  If you say to a man ‘doesn’t this X look like a lovely place’, he’ll often take it at face value…rather than as a hint that maybe you’d like to go there!
• 5. Not being consistent – If you ask for something from someone once, the chances are they might remember.  If you ask for something from someone a few times, the chances are higher that they’ll remember it.  If you ask for something from someone every week, or month, or whenever a given situation comes up then they are far more likely to realise it’s important to you and make it a priority to remember.  The more consistent you are, the easier you make it for him to meet your needs.
• 6. Not appreciating when they do it ‘right’ – Men love to be appreciated.  In the same way as criticism cuts to the core of a man, appreciation speaks to their core in a positive way.  Remember it doesn’t have to be ‘perfect’ for you to appreciate it, if you can see he’s making the effort to help and support you in the way you’ve requested, then show him that you appreciate that.  Making a point of thanking him and showing your gratitude and appreciation when he helps and supports you in a way that you really feel helped and supported will give him the motivation and desire to it again next time!
• 7. Not setting the game up for them to win – Men like to win, they want to make you happy, they want to be able to help and support you and feel like your hero…so help them to help you.  Set up the game so that it’s easy for them to ‘win’ at it…that they know the rules, they know how to win the points and that when they do they’ll get the ‘prize’ of your appreciation and gratitude.  If you set the game up so that it’s easy to win, they’ll want to play again and again and again…even better when they win, you win, and when you win, they win.  Who wouldn’t want to play a game when the outcome is always win-win?

So how do we get the help and support we want and need?

The post How can you get the help and support you want and deserve? appeared first on Feminine 1st.

Olivia is really giving people “Food for Thought”.

In 2010 in order to teach the true meaning of Thanks & Giving (Thanksgiving) 5 year old Olivia and
her parents set out to help those less fortunate during this time of family and celebration.

The initial goal was to raise enough funds to feed four families with a complete Thanksgiving meal. But after Olivia spoke to her parents, they quickly came to the agreement to increase their goal to ten families.

Olivia’s philosophy was “If we are going to help people we should try to help more people”.

By the time the project was finished they had raised enough funds and collected enough food to feed 34 families a complete dinner for Thanksgiving followed in 2011 with 54 more.  Unfortunately the devastation of hurricane Sandy in 2012 prevented them from running the project last year…but they are determined to make up for it in 2013!

In May of this year the Congressman Timothy Bishop requested that a US flag be raised and flown over the United State Capitol in Washington DC to honor Olivia in her commitment to community service.

Since the last Food For Thought Project Olivia and family have volunteered in other projects such as painting rooms at a children’s hospital and helping with the Halloween trick or trunk for less fortunate children as well as helping prep tables at a food pantry.

Olivia, now 7 years old, is expected to receive a special award from her school for going above and beyond in helping a fellow classmate, who has recently migrated to the US from Asia. She has helped her fellow classmate not only acclimate socially but also academically.  Her parents Patricia and Joe both hold positions on the boards of advisors for the Junior League and

the Salvation Army, and are incredibly proud of the work their daughter is doing to help others in her community.

Olivia is now passing along this commitment to helping others to her 1 year old brother Lucas as they prepare for “Food For Thought 2013″.

So today I would like you to join me in honouring and celebrating Olivia and her family for her heart-centered and inspiring dedication to helping others around her…I hope that she inspires many other young children to be the change they wish to see in the world.

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As you know, I would love to acknowledge, honour and celebrate the women and men who have inspired you as well. So if there is someone that you believe should feature as a Fabulous Friday Female (or Fellow!), then send me an email (claire@feminine1st.com) with 3 simple details:

• Who is your Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow? (Her / his name and location in the world)
• Why is she / he a Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow to YOU? (How do you know her / him? What does she / he do? In what way is she / he inspiring?)
• A photo or link to a picture of her / him online (if there is a reason that you would prefer not to include a photo, just let me know)

So help me to share with all of our lovely ladies the real women and men who inspire YOU. …and remember, as always, to Stay Fabulous too!

Claire x

The post Today’s Fabulous Friday Female is Olivia Encarnacion! appeared first on Feminine 1st.

This week’s Thursday Thought:

Look for a Relationship that helps you to become a Better Person,

while allowing you to be completely True to Yourself

~ Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

The post Look for a relationship that helps you to become a better person while allowing you to be completely true to yourself ~ Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st appeared first on Feminine 1st.

They are the heart and soul, the foundation, the core.

…unfortunately emotions are also one of the biggest differentiators between the masculine and feminine.

How do the masculine and feminine approach emotionally charged situations?

Emotions are a way of life for the feminine…the feminine experiences the full range of emotions, the depth, the breadth, the highs, the lows and everything in between.

Conversely, the masculine is more driven by logic.  Reason, analysis, deduction…following the rationale and making informed choice.

As we know, we all have both masculine and feminine inside us…which gives each and every one of us the ability to connect with and use both emotion and logic.

We do, however, have a tendency towards one or the other.  There is one that is more natural for us, one that is our default, one that is our core nature.

When it comes to men and women, the majority of men tend to be more masculine at their core, and the majority of women tend to be more feminine….although there are people for whom it is the other way around.

How can I deal with emotionally charged situations in my relationship?

When it comes to intimate relationships (especially during times of stress, or when there are problems occurring) having a way to navigate the differences between the masculine and feminine approaches to emotions can be essential.

Now positive emotions don’t tend to cause many problems…but when we’re dealing with more challenging emotions, it can be of huge benefit to be abel to bridge the gap between the masculine and feminine.

Because men and people who are masculine at core don’t have the same experience of emotions that feminine people do, they don’t have a frame of reference in how to deal with it.

So often when there are challenges in relationships the feminine wants to talk, to deal with the emotions….whereas the masculine wants to take a more logical approach…find the problem and fix it.

When feeling emotional the feminine often wants to feel more connected and supported, she wants to move towards her partner, to connect more, to feel like he’s there for her.  On the flip side, the masculine often prefers to have time and space to deal with challenges, to work it through in his own mind first.

If I had a pair of shoes for every woman I’ve met or connected with who has been frustrated by her partner’s need and desire to ‘fix’, or backing away when she wants him to move in and support her, I could probably wear a different pair every day for the rest of my life and still have extras to spare…

So today I want to give you a gift…a fantastic technique which has been invaluable for me personally in my own intimate relationship, and that I know has helped many others to navigate these differences in a way that works for both parties…

So do you want to know more about how to deal with emotionally charged situations in your relationship?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership, you will also get access to all future weekly Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on June 1st and therefore if you would like to continue to enjoy the new weekly videos (and request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer until the end of June.

So click here to find out all about how to deal with emotionally charged situations in a way that works for both you and your relationship.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

The post Do you know how to deal with emotionally charged situations in your relationship? appeared first on Feminine 1st.

If they’re honest, these women know deep down inside that their man wants to help, and often he’s trying to help, but his way of doing it doesn’t necessarily resonate.

How can I get the help and support I want from the men in my life?

1. Expecting them to read your mind – In an ideal world, where Manolo Blahniks were £10 a pair and the rivers were made of chocolate, men would automatically just ‘know’ what we want and what we need.  But we’re not living in an ‘ideal world’…I know, I’ve been looking for a £10 pair of Manolos for years.  Just because we want them to ‘know’ doesn’t mean they do.  Unfortunately they’re not just women with a couple of external amendments.  We think completely differently.  We are completely different.  If you want them to guess, the chances are that they’ll guess wrong….because they’ll guess according to the world as they see it…which is totally different to the world that you live in.
2. Criticising them when they do it ‘wrong’ – Men don’t tend to respond well to criticism.  Actually no-one really responds well to criticism, but when you criticise a man you cut straight to his core.  Now most women think this is therefore the most effective way to communicate what they want…but in reality when you take this approach he’s likely feel attacked,  to put up the defences, and keep his distance.  When he’s in defence mode, he’s very unlikely to be taking note of your wants and desires…he’s more likely to feel like he’s been engaged in a battle, and all that matters to him in the moment is making sure he doesn’t lose.

The post Do the men in your life know how to help and support you? appeared first on Feminine 1st.

As I mentioned when I started doing the Fabulous Friday Female, this project is a group effort and I wanted to acknowledge and celebrate not just the women who inspire me, but also those who inspire YOU.

So a huge thanks goes out to Katrina G who stepped forward and asked me to feature Anna Akbari as one of our Fabulous Friday Females as she is someone who she considers a powerful yet feminine woman.

Here’s what Katrina had to say about Anna:

Why is she a Fabulous Friday Female to YOU?

Dr. Anna Akbari is a serial entrepreneur committed to living and working interdisciplinarily. On any given day, she can be found moving between roles as an academic, tech entrepreneur, social interaction designer, fashion consultant, writer, and guest speaker.

Anna is a sociologist and professor in the department of Media, Culture, and Communication and the Costume Studies department at New York University. She is also the founder of Closet Catharsis, her fashion and image consulting company, which takes a holistic approach to individual empowerment and identity construction through personal styling and image management. Her most recent endeavor, Sociology of Style, is an email newsletter and website that offers smart, timely commentary on image-related issues. It blends pop culture, sociology, and practical advice on topics related to fashion, body, and culture. Unlike most traditional stylists, Anna looks at the social significance of visual self-presentation and asks people to rethink who they are and who they want to become by understanding the power of aesthetics — making her the thinking person’s stylist.

Anna Akbari previously founded Splice, an enterprise software recommendation engine, and Brainwright, an arts and humanities coaching company. She served as the Chief Image Advisor for Dapprly, a men’s fashion app offering users timely, private style advice from the people they know and trust. She is a frequent guest lecturer and writer, most recently for TEDxSiliconAlley, The Atlantic, The Financial Times, Above the Law, Stylecaster, and a consultant for brands and agencies. She attended Interlochen Arts Academy on scholarship for Theater; she received her B.A. in Religious and Middle Eastern Studies from New York University, an M.A. in Liberal Studies and a Ph.D. in Sociology from The New School for Social Research.

When she’s not building relationships or dressing people, Anna enjoys singing karaoke and rollerskating (not necessarily at the same time). As the co-founder of the New York Tech Karaoke Meetup, she believes that technologists and karaoke are a natural duo. You may also have seen her getting her grove on with the disco roller skaters in Central Park (truly the happiest place in New York).

So please join me today in acknowledging and celebrating Anna for being a role model to others as a powerful but feminine woman.

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As you know, I would love to acknowledge, honour and celebrate the women who have inspired you as well. So if there is someone that you believe should feature as a Fabulous Friday Female or Fellow, then send me an email (claire@feminine1st.com) with 3 simple details:

• Who is your Fabulous Friday Female or Fellow? (Their name and location in the world)
• Why are they a Fabulous Friday Female to YOU? (How do you know them? What do they do? In what way are they inspiring?)
• A photo or link to a picture of them online (if there is a reason that you would prefer not to include a photo, just let me know)

So help me to share with all of our lovely ladies the real women and men who inspire YOU.

…and remember, as always, to Stay Fabulous too!

Claire x

The post Today’s Fabulous Friday Female is Anna Akbari appeared first on Feminine 1st.

This week’s Thursday Thought:

The easiest way for someone to help you

is for you to show them how

~ Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

The post Thursday Thought Quote: The easiest way for someone to help you is for you to show them how ~ Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st appeared first on Feminine 1st.

Something that is important for every single woman on the planet to understand.

There is a disease that has been spreading for some time now, and it’s affecting men, women and children everywhere around the world.

What is this disease?

Emasculation.

But I’m not emasculating men…

The problem with this disease is that it’s largely being spread completely unnoticed.

We don’t realise that we’re doing it.

We don’t realise why we’re doing it.

We don’t see the impact.

But little by little it is affecting the men in our lives.

How they see us.

How we see them.

How we see ourselves.

…and it is destroying our relationships.

Am I really emasculating men?  …and if I am, does it really matter?

The answer to the first question is more than likely Yes.

But it’s become so prevalent in our society these days that we don’t even notice it.

A little joke here, a put down there.

But it doesn’t really matter does it?

Does it?

Today I share the answer with you…and you might be shocked by what I have to say…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So do you want to know more about how much emasculating men is costing you?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership, you will also get access to all future weekly Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on June 1st and therefore if you would like to continue to enjoy the new weekly videos (and request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer until the end of June.

So click here to find out all about emasculation, how it’s likely to be affecting your life, why we do it and most important how to begin to change it.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

The post Do you realise how much emasculating men is costing you? appeared first on Feminine 1st.